Interview with a Vampire OR How to simultaneously impress a sadist AND slam your dick in the door without even trying. (And not in the *fun* way.)

I’m not referring to the sparkly vampires of Hollywood lore but rather A short, curvy chick who feeds off of energy and fear, and gets off on the taste of blood. Things flowing organically is very important to me, as is energy and the type of vibe someone throws off. I share a lot about myself but also take a lot in when I’m considering a potential partner as the same source that fills me also has the ability to deplete me.

A couple of months before the breakup I’d joined a dating site in an attempt to possibly meet someone that could potentially become my primary partner. I was very clear about being in a relationship and there weren’t any serious prospects until after I became single.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, 6’5 came along.

He was tall, (hence the obvious nickname) handsome, communicated extremely well, successful, and my age. He lived within an hour of me and I quickly determined he had very little lifestyle experience outside of the bedroom. He was thoughtful, engaging, and asked good questions. We exchanged phone numbers one day on the way home from work and the conversation came easily. When I suggested that it would likely not be a good fit he asked me what some of the things I enjoyed were. I named several of the more extreme activities and his reaction to all was amazingly favorable. I was intrigued.

I like to do something with potential partners where I throw out words or phrases and ask for their immediate, uncensored response. I did this with him and mentioned “Queening Chair”. When he asked what that was I responded “Google is your friend.” For the benefit of those who do not know a Queening Chair is a piece of furniture designed specifically for oral sex. The Domme sits in the chair, her submissive lies underneath and services her as she reclines comfortably. Needless to say, he was enthusiastic once he realized what it was. The very next day he sent me a picture of one he’d started to build for me. (I was completely unaware that he had any intentions of doing this until he sent pictures.)

We continued to text and speak on the phone daily. I enjoyed the process of getting to know him, though he was getting increasingly anxious and a little pushy about meeting face to face even though we’d not been speaking for very long. He enjoys cooking so I invited him to come cook dinner for me a night later that week, to which he readily agreed.

Meanwhile, my group of close girlfriends were very vocally opposed to the fact that I’d invited a stranger into my house. They weren’t satisfied I had his real name, address and date of birth. They wanted me to meet him somewhere other than at my home. I placated them my telling them I would have him completely naked within 15 minutes and I’d send them a picture to prove he wasn’t armed if that would satisfy them. They agreed to that concession after giving me stern warnings about personal safety. I told 6’5 what was expected of him and he cheerfully agreed.

He showed up with a beautiful homemade dinner consisting of lasagna, sides and dessert, and had also brought a bottle of wine. I gave him a tour of my home and after chatting for a bit told him “It’s been thirteen minutes since you arrived, time to get naked.” “You were serious?” “I was indeed”. He dropped his clothing and sat down on the couch beside me. I told him to turn his head and snapped a quick picture, sending it to my group of girlfriends. “Thank you, you can put your clothes on. We have company joining us for dinner and she’ll be here any minute.”

Dinner was mostly uneventful with the banter being easy between the three of us but when my friend brought up the subject of her upcoming surgery which included a breast reduction; my guest suddenly became very vocal over the fact he felt she shouldn’t do it, even though she mentioned several times she was having the reduction done for health reasons and not just cosmetic. It was a pretty aggressive stance to take considering they’d never met and he was there to interview as my potential submissive. There was NOTHING submissive about the conversation, it sounded very much like a guy with a major boob fetish finding out that his favorite toy was about to be taken away. I sat back and observed the conversation and simply took mental notes.

She left shortly after dinner to give us time to get acquainted. I’d told him before arrival I’d be kicking him out at 10:30 as I had work the next day and would need to get prepared for it. At 10 I mentioned the time and he asked me for a kiss. I declined. I feel like the conversation should have ended at that point but suddenly I felt like I was caught up on a live version of Let’s Make a Deal.

“But, I made an effort. I drove all the way here. I brought dinner. I washed dishes…”

“You did indeed, and I appreciate all of that.”

“But…it means a lot to me…”

“And it will mean a lot to you when it actually happens, but it won’t be tonight.”

I had recently ended a relationship. I was still hurting, and trying to sort through some lingering feelings. I was flattered by his efforts but still on the fence about some things and needed some time to ponder on it without being confused by hormones. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve had my “reasons” and my “seasons”. I’m in search of my lifetime partner. I’m fully aware that I’m a special sunflower and to find someone that can check off all of the boxes could take some time, but I’ve got a pretty fantastic life and I’m willing to wait for the right one to come along. I’m worth the wait, and in the end I know they will be too.

Anyhow, so everything totally died Christmas Eve. We’d been having a really enthusiastic text conversation and out of nowhere he tells me I’m “The One”.

UMMMM…How can you be so sure about this when we haven’t even kissed?

He said he just knew. Sent me a list of attributes that he contributed to me and said when he saw something he wanted he went after it, and he wanted me. I sent him this chart and asked him where he was on it:

He said Joy – Freedom Love – Empowerment. He asked me where I was and I said Happiness – Enthusiasm. He asked if I was holding back. I honestly wasn’t. The conversations died off after that night. It had suddenly become awkward and I believe he knew he’d said too much.

Considering all of the lovely and horrible things I’m going to do to my partner once we’ve entered into a relationship; building a solid foundation in incredibly important and patience is going to be needed on both sides. There will be times my partner will be delirious, incoherent and completely at my mercy. Time will become distorted, and sense of self will likely be questioned. This is not a relationship I will enter into lightly, and the trust and chemistry must be there for us both.

Somewhere, you are out there.

The feed and caring of a Dominant

Recently the relationship that I’ve been in for the last year came to an end, and while I have many regrets; the experience itself is certainly not one of them. It gave me an opportunity to learn things about myself and evolve in a rather unexpected way and while the ending was and is incredibly painful and that pain lingers on, I know that I’m better in the end for the time I spent with her.

In no particular order of importance, some of the lessons learned were:

• 

• Sometimes you just have to eat that damn frog. For years I’ve said: Eat the frog first (basically get the tough stuff out of the way and get it over with) but haven’t necessarily put it into practice myself. Because of her I crossed some long overdue stuff off of the to do list. The bi annual medical maintenance yuck that I hate and had avoided but also I had my first colonoscopy which resulted in several polyps being removed, and was diagnosed with sleep apnea after being urged to have a sleep study. Too bad they couldn’t have done the sleep study and colonoscopy at the same time, that would have been an AWESOME time saver.
• After years of calling myself a cubicle worker who goofs around with making weird stuff in my spare time, after lots of nagging to embrace my creativity I finally feel comfortable calling myself an artist. I’m also steadily working on pieces these days and doing projects that are increasingly challenging.
• I thought I had a pretty solid handle on the kinks that I could handle and kinks that were definitely on my hard no list, but I discovered when I love someone that line definitely disappears.
• My inner Sadist is a lot colder, hungrier and more vicious than I ever realized. For years I’d always kept her tightly controlled and even then very few could keep up with me. When faced with someone who loves and trusts me I’ve discovered she will drain everything she can, with a ferocity that from what I’ve been told literally changes my face and entire demeanor when it takes over. To tap into this side of my personality has been both frightening and exhilarating.
• And finally, and most importantly I am incapable of being a secondary in any relationship. She is poly and married and I honestly thought not only could I handle the distance, but I thought I could handle being her girlfriend in a secondary role. The fact of the matter is, I loved her and because I loved her I placed myself in a position that in my heart I knew wouldn’t work on any long time basis. Perhaps if things had played out as they were initially presented with me being an equal partner and them moving to my city and time being spent equally it would have ended up differently; but that’s not how it evolved. I invest too much of myself and expect too much in return to be anyone’s girlfriend. When in a relationship I have no problem sharing someone physically (I’ve done this in the past to an extent as well) but to be basically an understudy in the lead role of my own life is something I’ll never do again. I’m not second string and to put myself in that position is a disservice to both myself and my partner.

A power exchange relationship takes a tremendous amount of work, and trust. A dear friend recently reminded me that “You cannot pour from an empty cup” and while in the shower last night it suddenly came together the main reason why this relationship imploded in such a magnificent way.

At most I would see her every other weekend, but over the year we were together it probably averaged out to be more like once a month. I put a lot of time and effort into preparing for her visits, I would make sure the house was clean, pick up her favorite foods, and in general make sure to be ready for any and all situations and needs whatever they were.

She would come in, we would generally have a very intense couple of days of being together and suddenly she was gone. The communication would drop back off and inevitably we’d end up fighting because of my frustration. While my sexual and sadistic needs were being temporarily satiated; my cup never had the chance to be refilled.

Yes, I demand a lot within a relationship, but I give everything I am as well. I love and play intensely, I feed deeply, and once the “play” is over I dedicate myself to making sure that my partner is as whole and as content as I am capable of. But as strong of a person as I am, I also need a partner who is capable of offering the same sort of dedication to me so that my own cup will continue to be refilled. Otherwise, this sort of relationship will never have any sort of longevity because it simply would not be sustainable on any sort of long term basis.

I’ve made a commitment to myself that no matter how many of the boxes are checked on a potential relationship unless they are all checked, I cannot move forward.

What I have to offer is unique and powerful, not to be squandered or taken for granted by either myself or the recipient. If I cannot find a partner that can come to me on an equal playing field ready and able to give as much as I am, then that will be all the more amazing that I can dedicate to myself and my wonderful tribe of friends.

Either way, I’m no longer worrying about what the Universe has in store for me, I’m just going to embrace all of the beautiful gifts she has to offer.