Dating When Kinky – Let’s Just Complicate Matters, Shall We?

Being in the dating scene these days is crazy enough, but try being a curvy teal haired 53 year old with a taste for blood and a strap on named Thor and things can get a bit tricky.

While I would absolutely love for a dashing gentleman around my age to come sweep me off my feet; it simply hasn’t happened. The ones who are even remotely interested in me are either married, in a different country, look like they are about to keel over dead, or have about as much personality as the sponge that sits by my kitchen sink.

I’ve had a dating profile on a kink site for a while and at this point have probably conversed with a couple of hundred people. For the most part the conversation ends pretty quickly as I have a tendency to be rather dismissive if I’m not interested, or I’ll simply send them this blog and that usually makes them realize that they probably would rather not end up in a hypnotic trance and screwed to my butterfly board with inescapable metal banding in the middle of my art room while I staple up their fancy bits with medical staples. (Yes that has happened and eventually I’ll end up posting about it.)

And then along comes this tall drink of water from Tennessee popping in. He’d sent me a message back in March that I’d initially ignored and he was back again. This time I replied as his profile and contacts had a sweetness about them and I had recently been feeling particularly jaded. In this case timing was everything and his response was warm and friendly without being pushy.

We quickly moved to KiK and then text. Shortly thereafter we were on the phone. You could tell he was nervous but he politely answered all of my questions and seemed genuinely interested in knowing all about me. I’d pointed him in the direction of the blog and he was actually more curious than intimidated which was quite surprising for someone with limited experience. I kept thinking I should throw him back for being “too little” but there was something that kept drawing me back to him. The conversations flowed effortlessly and for the first time in a really long time I felt like a priority to someone who while technically still a stranger; had already started to become a significant part of my day and I found myself looking forward to speaking with him. When bringing up the age difference he just laughed and asked what the big deal was? (He’s 31) “Guys do it all the time.” I honestly had nothing in response.

Popping in on him on video chat for the first time I’d caught him off guard as he’d recently woken up. He works overnights and his hair was tousled, his big brown eyes were sleepy and all I could focus on was this:

Holy shit, what an intoxicating combination. His shy, sweet smile and slightly nervous fidgeting and that mouth. That mouth that I could kiss for days. That full bottom lip that I want to bite into as I feel him quickly suck in his breath.

I’ve explained what would be expected from him if we were to enter into a relationship and he were to move here. I am very open about who I am without slamming everyone over the head with it; but friends, family and coworkers would automatically know he was not just my partner but my submissive. We would function as a couple and enjoy the regular mundane relationship activities but he would have a regular chore list to take care of around our home and yard. He would learn how to cook, as that isn’t a skill he currently possesses. He would maintain his full time job and contribute to the household financially while maintaining his own accounts separately. Massaging me and grooming my hair would become a regular part of his routine.

He has a very profound foot fetish and knows that I will use that to my best advantage; not only would I be getting foot massages as frequently as possible but I would make his massage skills available to any of my girlfriends who wanted to put him to use as well. (With the explanation to them in advance that it is a fetish for him, I wouldn’t not disclose that information.) Additionally, he would be kept locked in chastity and the key worn around my neck and in plain sight at all times, until such time as I released him for use. His mouth would be available to me at all times with the current expectation being that I would be serviced nightly and can hopefully finally unplug the damn Hitachi that has been a staple beside my bed for almost two years. (If it doesn’t happen soon I swear I’m starting a class action suit for all of us who have ground our clits off from this particular apparatus!) He would be taught to take my strap on both orally and anally and that would also become a regular part of our play. Bruises and markings are not an issue and if all goes well, eventually he would wear my collar.

Next weekend he is meeting up with a girlfriend of mine who lives nearby so she can give me her first hand impression of him, and he has readily agreed to provide me a recent STI screening and I’ve been provided all of his information for his background check.

I know that a lot of this sounds extremely one sided, but I can assure you that it is not. He is extremely service oriented and we have openly discussed everything that I’ve discussed here, with input from him as well and he has freely and without coercion agreed to all of it if we reach that stage as what I’ve described perfectly aligns with what he has also been seeking. When I am in a relationship I am completely invested and go above and beyond to make sure that my partner gets everything they need out of it as well, and I don’t sit idly by while they do all of the heavy lifting. While the play is intense I also take great care to put my partner back together afterward. Additionally, I am in search of a legitimate relationship built on a deep and committed love and mutual respect who’s company I can truly enjoy both in and out of the bedroom. While it remains to be seen if he is the one who will step into that role, it has certainly been wonderful soaking in everything I can about him, and hearing my name spoken in that soft southern drawl. My wicked little heart is blissfully happy these days at whatever the future may hold, even if it’s just that I’ve found a beautiful new friend.

OK that’s a total lie. I’d be PROFOUNDLY disappointed if there was no in-person chemistry but considering as much time as we’ve spend communicating including video-chat I think we’ll be fine.

Meanwhile if it does all work out I’ll have to hear my Mother chastise me about playing with children yet again. (The ex was 16 years younger and the ex ex was 10 years younger.) While I can appreciate the fact that she dearly wishes I would find someone with an AARP card, unfortunately Jeffrey Dean Morgan is taken and Sam Elliot stopped returning my calls.

Maybe in the next lifetime, Ma. Stay tuned…